


hot dilfs in your area (not clickbait!!1!)

by waitineedaname



Category: Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: (the qpr is tomrey), Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Autistic Benrey (Half-Life), Autistic Tommy Coolatta, Babysitting, Benrey is lowkey arospec because I love to project, Domestic Fluff, Gordon and Coomer are both trans have ADHD but it doesn't come up much, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), M/M, Nonbinary Character, Queerplatonic Relationships, Roommates, They/Them Pronouns for Bubby (Half-Life)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitineedaname/pseuds/waitineedaname
Summary: Stupid Gordon Freeman and his soft looking hair and endearing laugh and dadbod. On top of that, he was a dad. What the hell was up with that. This was just uncalled for.“Hot DILFs in your area.”Benrey didn’t even realize they’d said that out loud until Tommy’s chest started shaking underneath them in soft laughter.“What?” Tommy said, his hand stilling in Benrey’s hair.The advantage of having a generally monotone voice and not being super expressive was that usually, Benrey could bluff his way out of most of the stupid shit that accidentally came out of his mouth. “Wha?” They said, hoping Tommy would let it slide.Of course, that advantage was usually negated by having a best friend who was well-versed in his idiosyncrasies and could definitely fill in the blanks to explain the wack thought process he just went on. “Did you just call Gordon a DILF?” Dammit. Tommy was laughing at them. What the fuck. 0/10, worst best friend moments. Uncalled for.
Relationships: Background Bubby/Dr. Coomer, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 76
Kudos: 420





	hot dilfs in your area (not clickbait!!1!)

**Author's Note:**

> hello hlvrai community you have given me brainworms and this is now the longest fic I've ever written
> 
> this started out as a self-indulgent concept bc I was thinking about tommy and benrey being autistic solidarity and then it rapidly spiraled out of control. it continued to be extremely self-indulgent because I packed all my favorite headcanons into this bad boy. hopefully y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

“I met our new neighbor today.”

“Mm?” Benrey looked up from their Switch to find Tommy in the entryway, putting his apartment keys on a hook by the door. After a minute of fussing in the kitchen, Tommy made his way over to the couch, bearing a can of soda and a freshly cleaned stim necklace from the dishwasher. The necklace’s pendant swiftly replaced the drawstring of Benrey’s hoodie in his mouth, and Tommy sat down next to him, leaning affectionately against his shoulder to watch him play Animal Crossing. 

“I met our new neighbor.” Tommy said, finally repeating himself. “In, uh. In the hallway. He seems nice!”

Benrey squinted at him and spat out the necklace to speak. “We have a new neighbor?”

“Yeah! Because Ms. Nespola moved out at the end of April to live closer to her granddaughter, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” That was starting to ring a bell now. Benrey had liked Ms. Nespola. She asked them to catsit one time. “So now there’s a new dude living there?”

“Mhm. His name’s Gordon Freeman. Apparently he’s a physics professor at the university.” Tommy said, taking a sip of his soda and watching Benrey dig holes around Animal Crossing villagers.

“Oh. So he’s an old guy? Like, fuckin’, uh, Einstein ‘n Bernie over there?” Benrey jerked his head in the direction of their door, indicating their neighbors across the hall.

“No, actually! He’s quite a bit younger than Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby.” Tommy looked pensive for a moment. “He might even be younger than me.” Tommy’s thoughtful expression was replaced with a smile. “B-But you’ll get to see for yourself soon because I, um. I invited him over for dinner tomorrow night! Is that okay?”

Benrey paused for half a beat, giving that some thought, then shrugged. “Yeah. That’s fine, I guess.”

Benrey was about as prepared for the event as they possibly could be. Tommy reminded him later that night and the next morning, and he was even put in charge of texting Bubby to extend the invitation to them and Dr. Coomer, so the new neighbor could get the chance to meet the entirety of the weird little quartet of friends in their hall. All things considered, he had no reason to be surprised when he answered the polite knock at the door that evening.

But when he opened the door, it felt like his brain blue-screened.

Benrey hadn’t expected Gordon to be, well. Pretty. His long, fluffy hair was collected in a loose ponytail, and his scruffy facial hair was way more flattering than it should be. There was a kind, albeit slightly apprehensive smile on his face, which was rapidly turning into an expression of confusion as Benrey realized they’d been staring at him silently for too long.

“Uh. Hi.” Gordon finally broke the silence. “Tommy invited me over?”

Benrey will admit it. He panicked. The first thing they managed to produce out of their mouth was, “You got an invitation?”

“What?” He looked thoroughly confused now. “Uh, no? Tommy just said to come over around this time. I didn’t think this was a formal invitation thing?”

Benrey smacked his lips. They’d regretted asking the moment they’d said it, but they weren’t going to take it back now. “I can’t let you in without an invitation, dude. Stranger danger, y’know. You could be here to steal our, uh. Our video games.”

“Your video games?” Gordon said incredulously.

“Yeah, we got all the best games, like. Armored Core. Echo Night. Strider 2. Putter Golf. Dragon Beat Legend of Pinball.”

“Dude, those games are old as hell, why would I steal them?” 

“Wow. Wow. Not only are you a thief, but you also have no taste. I see why Tommy invited you over, he only likes, uh. People with bad taste.”

“So you _admit_ Tommy invited me over!”

“Wha?” Benrey blinked. Shit. “Maybe he did, bro, but I’m still gonna need that invitation.”

Gordon groaned. Lucky for them both, Tommy chose that moment to enter the room. “Benrey, what’s- Oh! Hi Mister Freeman!”

“Hi Tommy.” Gordon managed a smile. “This guy says I need an invitation.”

“Gotta know he’s supposed to be here, bro.” Benrey said in an attempt to justify his admittedly wack thought process. Tommy stared at him for a moment. Benrey stared back, his expression impassive. Something silent was communicated between them, and Tommy shrugged, going to the junk drawer and grabbing a notepad. After a minute of scribbling, he ripped the page off and handed it to Gordon, who stared at it, bewildered, before handing it to Benrey. It read "Invitation to: Gordon Freeman. For: pizza at Tommy and Benrey's :) When: Friday, 7pm." Benrey nodded and stepped aside to let Gordon in.

 _"Thank_ you." Gordon sighed in relief and gave Tommy a less strained smile. "Hey Tommy." He repeated.

"Hi Mister Freeman." Tommy's voice held a note that Benrey knew from years of knowing his friend translated to restrained laughter.

"Just call me Gordon, it's fine." He looked at Benrey again, slightly less harried now that he was in the apartment. "And you're Benrey?"

Benrey nodded. "Benrey."

"Do you just repeat your name like a Pokemon?" Gordon asked in a way Benrey optimistically hoped was an olive branch of friendly teasing.

"Ditto." They said, looking Gordon dead in the eyes and keeping their face impassive, which was a much more difficult feat when it made Gordon snort in surprised amusement. A loud knock at the door prevented him from taking the joke even further.

"Hello Tommy!" came Dr. Coomer's bright greeting from the doorway when Tommy opened the door. "We brought appetizers!"

"O-Oh, thank you!" Tommy took the bowl Dr. Coomer handed him, looking mildly apprehensive. "You didn't- um, didn't try to make nachos again, did you?"

"Of course not! Bubby is still banned from using the oven after last time, so we made guacamole!"

"It's not my fault the chips burned easily." Bubby said, rolling their eyes and ushering Dr. Coomer through the entryway and into the kitchen where Benrey and Gordon were still standing awkwardly, distracted by the commotion Coomer and Bubby created.

"Hello Benrey!" Dr. Coomer waved cheerily, and Benrey gave him a small smile and two fingered wave. The old man's cheer was infectious. 

"Yo."

"You must be Gordon!" Dr. Coomer continued, his attention switched to the newcomer. Gordon seemed a little startled to be addressed so loudly and suddenly, and Benrey had to bite back a laugh. Gordon recovered quickly, though, and gave Dr. Coomer a polite smile.

"Yeah, I am. I, uh. I just moved in next door, though I guess Tommy already told you that."

"He did indeed! I am Dr. Harold P. Coomer, and this is my spouse, Dr. Bubby. It is excellent to meet you, Gordon!" Dr. Coomer took Gordon's hand in a firm handshake, and Benrey couldn't help but be impressed when he didn't wince.

"Nice to meet you guys too." Gordon said, and it sounded like he meant it. He looked less stressed by the minute, and Benrey felt a little bad that he'd made such a bad first impression. "Do I want to know the story behind the nachos?"

Dr. Coomer let out a hearty laugh, and Bubby scoffed behind him. "There's not a _story._ We made nachos, the nachos caught on fire in the oven, and the fire department came. The end." Bubby said it like it hadn't been the pinnacle of excitement at the time.

"Damn." Gordon sounded like he wasn't sure if he should be impressed or alarmed. "Well, at least guac isn't easily burnt."

"That sounds like a challenge." Bubby flashed him a toothy grin before sliding out of the group to join Tommy where he was puttering by the counter. 

"...Should I be concerned?” Gordon asked.

“Yes!” Dr. Coomer brightly exclaimed at the same time Benrey went, “Nah.”

“Alright, mixed messages. Cool, that’s fine, definitely not worrying at all.”

“Trust me, dude, I’m a great cool, very chill. I don’t think we should worry about it.” Benrey said, then smacked their lips. “Probably.”

“And if we do need to worry, I know the fire chief personally!” Dr. Coomer did not sound like a man who knew what worry was. Gordon looked between Dr. Coomer’s confident smile and Benrey’s neutral expression, and he decided not to press it.

“If you guys say so. Uh, anyway, on the topic of appetizers, I wasn’t sure what to bring, so I just brought drinks. Hope that’s okay.” Gordon lifted his left hand, bringing their attention to the six pack he’d been carrying.

“How generous of you, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer took the proffered beers and put them on the counter, grabbing the bottle opener from the drawer he knew Tommy kept it in. Benrey inspected the drinks and huffed a quiet laugh.

“IPA? Dude, that’s such a fuckin’ dad beer. Fuckin’- Gordon Freeman, barbecue dad, cracking open a cold one with the boys.” Benrey said, picking up and examining a bottle of the beer with mild disinterest. Gordon sent them a look.

“Uh, I mean I am a dad, so…” Gordon said it like it should be obvious. Benrey blue-screened again.

“Wha?”

“Yeah, you guys might see him around soon, actually. This week’s my turn for custody. I’ll be picking him up from school on Monday.” Gordon pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up his photos app. “His name’s Joshua.” Gordon turned the phone screen towards Benrey with a small smile of fatherly pride. Benrey stared owl-eyed at the screen, which held a picture of a young boy grinning happily at the camera. 

“Your baby boy is beautiful, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer said, loudly reappearing beside Benrey’s other shoulder. He was right. The kid was cute as hell. He’d inherited his father’s thick curls and dimples; Benrey could understand Gordon’s proud fondness. The first sentence that came to mind was “Shit, he looks kinda like you,” but the forkful of word salad that came out instead was- 

“Looks kinda shit.”

Gordon looked at them with bewildered fury. “Excuse me?” Ah, dammit.

“Don’t get butthurt about it, dude. All kids kinda look shit, they’re not done- uh,” He blew a soft raspberry and resisted the urge to bite the inside of his cheek to get himself to stop making it worse, “-not done pupating. Not fully rendered. S’fine.” That was… not the right thing to say.

“How old is he?” Dr. Coomer asked cheerfully, as if he couldn’t pick up on the uncomfortable vibes filling the kitchen. Benrey knew he could, of course. They had trouble reading the room at the best of times, and the current tension was enough to make even them want to clip through the floor. Dr. Coomer wasn’t as oblivious as he liked to act; he was attempting to distract Gordon. “I’d hazard a guess that he’ll be turning nine years old any day now!”

Yeah, that was definitely enough to force Gordon to switch gears. “Uh. He just turned six, so not- not quite. Dr. Coomer, have you ever seen a kid before?”

“No!”

Gordon was effectively distracted, and the mood was marginally improved by Dr. Coomer’s enthusiasm as Gordon showed him more images from the folder that seemed to be reserved for pictures of the kid. Benrey wanted to be grateful that Gordon was too busy being a proud dad to be annoyed with him for the second time that evening, but unfortunately, Dr. Coomer’s excitement only grew with each picture, and when Dr. Coomer got excited, he tended to forget about things. Like volume control. And personal space. 

Benrey hunched in on themself and pulled the strings of their hoodie to try and muffle the noise, but it was hard to ignore the two of them pressing in on either side of their shoulders. He didn’t mind closeness on his own terms, but a dude’s personal bubble had to be respected. They gritted their teeth and then snapped, “Get me _out_ of this _spot!”_

Both Gordon and Dr. Coomer went quiet immediately. They both stepped out of Benrey’s space, Gordon saying “sorry, didn’t realize” and Dr. Coomer brightly shouting “Hello Benrey!” Benrey ignored both of them and made a beeline for the kitchen table. He could feel Gordon’s eyes on him, but he ignored him in favor of sitting with his back to the party. A few seconds later, there was a shout as Bubby dropped something in the kitchen, and all attention was off them. Well, most attention.

Benrey hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until he opened them to the sound of a glass being set in front of them. A tall glass, filled with something fizzy and green and topped off with a silly straw. They looked up to find Tommy standing next to them with a concerned smile.

“Mountain Dew.” Tommy said, by way of explanation. Benrey nodded and pulled the glass closer. 

“Gamer fuel. Do the Dew™.” Benrey maneuvered the straw into his mouth and took a long sip. Tommy correctly interpreted that to mean that they weren’t in full meltdown mode and sat down next to them.

“Is- Is everything alright, Benrey?”

“Mm.” Benrey nodded, toying with the straw between his teeth. “S’fine. Just loud. Dr. Coomer’s audio levels aren’t balanced. Fuckin’, blowing out my speakers. Not cool. Gotta patch that.”

Tommy nodded. His reactions to sensory overload tended to take the form of shutting down as opposed to Benrey’s meltdowns, but he still understood pretty well. Dr. Coomer meant well, but he could be quite loud. “I, uh- I put the pizza in the oven, so you can sit over here until- until it’s done! I’ll make sure no one- no one bothers you.”

“Thanks, Tommy.” Benrey leaned their head against Tommy’s shoulders, not unlike an affectionate cat, then sat back up so Tommy could stand up and return to the rest of the party in the kitchen. Tommy shot him a smile, then bounced back into the fray before Dr. Coomer and Bubby could cause too much unsupervised trouble.

By the time the homemade pizza was pulled out of the oven and served, Benrey had calmed down enough to not want to bolt back into their room. He wasn’t completely recovered, his nerves still buzzing with aborted sensory overload, but he could survive eating at the kitchen table with the rest of them. Tommy took his seat next to them, handing them their own plate of pizza, and Dr. Coomer and Bubby sat across from Tommy, leaving Gordon to sit directly opposite Benrey’s seat. Gordon sent him a look he couldn’t interpret but didn’t interrupt Dr. Coomer as he eagerly recited what Benrey was fairly certain was the Wikipedia page for beetles. Benrey did their best to listen attentively to Dr. Coomer’s infodumping, but Bubby cut him off.

“Alright, enough of that.” Bubby said, interrupting their husband. They leaned forward on the table to fix their gaze on Gordon. “Gordon, you said you’re a professor?”

“Yeah, I am!” Gordon seemed a little startled to change subjects so quickly, but he rolled with it pretty well. “I teach theoretical physics at the local university. This is my first semester teaching there, though. I transferred pretty recently.”

“That explains why I haven’t seen you around,” Bubby said, and Gordon brightened.

“You’re a professor?”

“I’m the smartest person they have in the entire chemistry department,” Bubby said with a razor sharp grin.

“They’re the residential menace!” Dr. Coomer added brightly, ignoring Bubby when they swatted at him.

“Oh my god, wait. I think some of my students have you,” Gordon said, laughing. “I thought they were joking when they said they had a teacher called Dr. Bubby. Dude, I don’t know if you’re aware, but you kind of have a reputation as a hardass.”

“I sure as hell hope so! If they want a future in mad science, they need to deal with a little pressure!” Bubby sounded more than a little smug.

“And what about you, Dr. Coomer? Are you a professor too?” Gordon asked, turning to the old man currently dumping hot sauce all over his pizza.

“No, we’ve come to realize that Bubby and I working at the same location tends to result in chaos. I’ve been working for a robotics company for the past several decades, and they haven’t been able to get rid of me yet!”

“They’re not trying to get _rid_ of you, they’re trying to get you to _retire_ ,” Bubby said in a tone that implied this was an argument they had rehashed many times. “You know, how old people stop working before they go senile and accidentally blow up their workplace.”

“Rest assured, my dear Bubby, if I blow up my workplace, it will be entirely intentional!”

Gordon was too busy choking on confused laughter to contribute anything, so Tommy piped up instead. “Actually, Gordon, we- we all have jobs that involve science! My degree’s in nuclear physics, but my job is to make sure nuclear facilities follow the right guidelines! And- And Benrey works at a science museum!”

“Yeah?” Gordon glanced at Benrey again, having composed himself after Coomer and Bubby’s antics. Benrey nodded, swallowing a mouthful of pizza.

“Yeah. Gotta keep those dino bones safe. Don’t want someone walkin’ in and stealing, uh. A big whale skeleton.”

“So you’re a security guard?” Gordon asked, filling in the blanks. Benrey nodded again. “I… guess that’s technically science adjacent.”

“Just means I’m not a nerd like the rest of you,” Benrey said, and a smile pulled at his lips when Gordon snorted.

“Sure, dude.”

“But, uh, it’s not my only job. I’m hoping to stream full time someday,” Benrey added, gearing themself up for the blank confusion or dismissal they usually received when they mentioned streaming as a job. Instead, Gordon brightened considerably.

“Wait, you stream? Like on Twitch or something?”

“Wha? Gordon Nerdman knows about Twitch? Dadman university teacher plays video games?” Benrey had not expected this. Gordon rolled his eyes.

“Yeah? I’m not that old, man. I recognized those games you were bullshitting about well enough to know they were old as hell. Of course I play video games.”

“Huh?” Benrey had completely forgotten all the bullshit he’d said in the doorway when Gordon had first arrived.

“What kind of games do you play?” Gordon was too excited to talk about video games to dwell on their awkward first impression.

“PlayStation stuff, mostly. Sometimes PC stuff, like, uh. Makin’ weird shit in GMod, or tryin’ to break old games. Did you know if you swear in Mario, it shuts down the game?”

“What? That doesn’t sound right.” Gordon said, laughing a little.

“No, it’s true. I said, uh, ‘balls’ and my GameBoy exploded. Tommy was there, he saw it.” Benrey said, lying out of their ass.

“Now I know you’re bullshitting me.”

“N-No, he’s telling the truth, Gordon!” Tommy interjected, going along with Benrey’s nonsense because he was the best. Benrey made a mental note to kiss his cheek later. “I was in the living room, and I heard Benrey’s GameBoy explode!”

“What?” Gordon’s voice rose in pitch with his incredulity.

“It rocked the whole building, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer added. “You’re lucky it wasn’t the wall you share with them!”

“No, come on Dr. Coomer, not you too!” Gordon was fully laughing now, and Benrey’s stomach did happy somersaults.

“Damn, you don’t trust us, bro? Kinda hurts,” Benrey said, schooling their poker face. “What kinda weakass gamer are you if you haven’t blown up a GameBoy before.”

“I believe the kids would call you a ‘weaksauce scrub,’ Gordon,” Bubby added. Gordon laughed so hard he nearly choked on his pizza.

The rest of the evening passed in much the same way. They eventually migrated to the living room and continued chatting over Cards Against Humanity. Coomer won by a landslide, much to Gordon’s amused horror, though Benrey was proud to say he came in second place. All of the initial awkwardness aside, it was a pretty good night. Gordon was nice to talk to when he wasn’t getting annoyed at the dumb shit that accidentally came out of Benrey’s mouth, and despite the earlier meltdown, Benrey was pretty happy by the end of the evening. 

They were still relieved when Tommy closed the front door, and the chatter of Gordon, Coomer, and Bubby returning to their apartments was muted. Both he and Tommy let out a sigh, and he perked up when he saw Tommy go to the closet where they stored their extra blankets.

In their time living together, the two of them had developed a routine. Whenever anything happened that required them to be social or around loud people for an extended period of time -- which meant any of their get-togethers with Bubby and Coomer -- they would wind down by making a Benrey sandwich. Tommy would lay down on the couch, Benrey would lie on top of him, and a weighted blanket would be laid on top of Benrey. It combined their favorite sensory ways of calming down; Tommy liked getting squished, and Benrey liked getting cuddled. They would even pull down their hood so Tommy could play with their hair because Tommy liked having something to do with his hands, and there was exactly one scenario (this one) and exactly one person (Tommy) that Benrey would allow to touch their head.

It’s calming enough that Benrey was half asleep within minutes of his head plonking down on Tommy’s chest. Tommy gently combed his fingers through Benrey’s hair, and Benrey hummed something quiet and devoid of any coherent melody, and they both enjoyed the peaceful reprieve, processing the evening. Benrey had no way of knowing what Tommy was thinking about, but they knew their own thoughts were largely revolving around the new member of their little group. 

Previously, it had just been him, Tommy, and the old farts across the hall, but now they’d expanded their bubble. They all liked Gordon, that much was certain. Even Bubby, who did their best to act like they didn’t like anyone, seemed to get along with Gordon like a house on fire. Benrey couldn’t blame them; it was hard not to like Gordon. He was a little loud, but he was loud in the same way that Dr. Coomer was loud: he felt things very strongly, and sometimes that resulted in him forgetting that volume was a thing. He was smart enough to keep up with the nerd babble that Benrey sometimes found himself lost in the middle of, and he was excited to hear about Benrey streaming, which was a surprising change from having to explain what the fuck Twitch even _was_ to most people. And on top of that, he was pretty.

Like, really pretty. Stupid Gordon Freeman and his soft looking hair and endearing laugh and dadbod. On top of that, he _was_ a dad. What the hell was up with that. This was just uncalled for. 

“Hot DILFs in your area.”

Benrey didn’t even realize they’d said that out loud until Tommy’s chest started shaking underneath them in soft laughter.

“What?” Tommy said, his hand stilling in Benrey’s hair.

The advantage of having a generally monotone voice and not being super expressive was that usually, Benrey could bluff his way out of most of the stupid shit that accidentally came out of his mouth. “Wha?” They said, hoping Tommy would let it slide.

Of course, that advantage was usually negated by having a best friend who was well-versed in his idiosyncrasies and could definitely fill in the blanks to explain the wack thought process he just went on. “Did you just call Gordon a DILF?” Dammit. Tommy was laughing at them. What the fuck. 0/10, worst best friend moments. Uncalled for.

“What? No. I was thinking about, uh. Dark Souls. DILF stands for Dungeons I’d Like to Find.”

“I don’t- I don’t think that’s what that stands for, Benrey.”

“No, that’s definitely what it stands for. I read about it on Urban Dictionary. ‘S what everyone’s saying.”

“Do you think Gordon is a DILF?” Wow, he just wasn’t letting it go, huh.

“I think you’re being mean to me. That’s what I think. That you’re mean.” Benrey squished his face further into Tommy’s chest and opened one eye to send him a sour look. Tommy’s face was a picture of innocence, but Benrey could tell he wanted to keep laughing.

“I- I think it’s nice that you like Gordon! He’s- He’s a handsome man! You just probably shouldn’t call him a DILF to his face? You don’t- You don’t know how he’d react to that.”

“I’m not gonna call him a DILF to his face. Don’t even like him that much. Fuckin’, Gordon Cringeman, thinks Kane & Lynch is a good game. Why would I like him.”

Tommy hummed. Benrey could tell he definitely didn’t believe them, but he knew they didn’t want to get pushed about it anymore. “Okay. Do- Do you want to go to Dunkin’ with me tomorrow to pick up donuts for the week?”

“Yes please.” Benrey said, relaxing into him again and stretching out the vowels in his words. “Thank you.”

\--

Benrey managed to avoid thinking or talking about any unfortunate puppy crush feelings they might have about Gordon for the rest of the weekend, much to their relief. The next morning, he and Tommy picked up donuts -- the most sugary ones they could find, plus the gimmicky themed ones for the month -- and by the time they got home, Bubby had added Gordon to their group chat. Gordon seemed to be busy unpacking for the rest of the weekend, as evidenced by the update pictures he sent them of the slowly shrinking number of boxes in his apartment, but when Benrey sent a science meme they found, he responded with one of his own. It was endearingly dorky, and Benrey refused to think about it for longer than twenty seconds. He definitely didn’t get distracted while streaming whenever Gordon’s texts lit up his phone. Not a bit.

It wasn’t until they were coming back from their shift on Monday that they saw Gordon again. Benrey was in his security uniform, feeling uncomfortably out of place in his slacks and tie and devoid of any hat or hood covering his head. They could deal with the uniform when in the context of work, but the liminal space between work and getting comfortable at home was always weird. So when he walked up the stairs to his apartment and spotted Gordon hoisting a kid onto his hip with one arm and fiddling around with his keys with the other, he felt more than a little exposed. 

“-And I set up your bed and dresser already, but I thought you’d want to help me decorate your room. How’s that sound, bud?” Gordon bounced little Joshua before realizing he was staring over his shoulder at someone. He glanced over and spotted Benrey, suddenly looking out of depth himself. “Oh. Hey, dude.”

“Yo.” Benrey stopped at their door, unsure what to do.

“Daddy,” Joshua whispered loudly, tugging at his father’s shirt, “Who’s that?”

“Uh. This is one of our new neighbors, Joshie. This is Miste-” Gordon paused halfway through the word to get confirmation from Benrey and corrected when he shook his head the tiniest bit, “This is Benrey. They live next door with Mister Tommy. You wanna say hi?”

“Hi, Benny.” Joshua waved shyly, his face half hidden in his dad’s ponytail.

“What’s up, lil dude.” Benrey waved back, and Joshua’s face suddenly lit up.

“Are you daddy’s friend?” Joshua said in a sudden burst of enthusiasm.

“Wh- Yeah bro, I’m your dad’s friend. We’re best friends. Hangin’ out all the time.” Benrey said without really thinking. They glanced at Gordon to gauge his reaction and relaxed when he snorted and looked more amused than annoyed.

“Alright, come on squirt, we gotta get your room decorated,” Gordon said, bouncing Joshua again and unlocking the door with his free hand. Joshua waved at Benrey again, this time with much more fervor.

“Bye Benny!” Joshua yelled over Gordon’s shoulder. Benrey grinned a bit and waved back. Gordon shot him a look that seemed to be code for ‘thank you for indulging my kid’ but Benrey was pretty sure Gordon didn’t need to be an expert in interpreting Benrey’s expressions to know he was pleased.

They developed a routine pretty quickly after that. Benrey would go to their day shift at the museum, and around the time they got back, Gordon would be bringing Joshua home from school. Sometimes Joshua would insist on stopping to say hi to Benrey, showing off a book he'd gotten from school or telling him his dad was going to make corndogs for dinner, but most of the time they would be in too much of a rush to do anything more than briefly greet each other. The following week, Benrey was on the afternoon shift, and they were slightly startled to see Gordon coming home with just their professor-y satchel. Gordon nodded a greeting at him, and Benrey paused while locking up his apartment.

“Yo. Where’s the kid?” Benrey tried not to sound as confused as they felt.

“What? Oh, Joshua’s with his mom this week.” Gordon shrugged, looking a little surprised that Benrey asked.

“Oh.” Now that he thought about it, he vaguely remembered Gordon saying something about “custody for this week” or something. “Gordon’s got a part time bachelor pad? Half lame dad time, half cool single professor man?”

“...No offense, dude, but I don’t understand a single word coming out of your mouth right now.”

Yeah, that was fair. “Wha? Hey, since you don’t have to worry about your kid this week, do you wanna come over and play video games or somethin’?” They asked, not really thinking about what they were saying. Gordon laughed a little, surprised.

“Uh, I guess?”

“Cool. See you later, man.” Benrey gave Gordon a wave, then jogged his way downstairs before he missed the bus.

They ended up not being able to hang out that week. If Gordon’s texts in the group chat were anything to go by, it was something called “midterm week” for his students, which meant he came home with an ever growing pile of lab reports to grade whenever Benrey left for work. That’s fine. Afternoon shifts meant Benrey didn’t have much free time after 2pm anyway. They definitely weren’t bummed that they had barely gotten a chance to hang out with Gordon since that first night. Why would he bummed about that? He was just a nice new neighbor.

Benrey was back on day shift the next week, which meant falling back into the routine of waving hello to Gordon and Joshua when they got home at the same time. Benrey was about to accept that this was going to be the extent of their interactions outside of the group chat when Wednesday evening rolled around and they answered their door to discover a slightly frazzled looking Gordon.

“What’s up?” Benrey asked, a little confused. He didn’t remember scheduling anything with Gordon, and Tommy wasn’t even home from work yet, so he couldn’t be there for him. Gordon tried to run a hand through his hair before seeming to realize it was in a ponytail.

“Hey. I know this is last minute, but trust me, I would not be asking you if I wasn’t desperate. Normally I try to plan ahead better than this, but I got my weeks mixed up, and now it’s way too late to call a sitter, and Josh’s mom is out of town, and I’m a little low on options-” Gordon was talking way too fast for Benrey to keep up with, clearly panicked. Benrey blinked at him, then cut off his ramble.

“Gordon.” Benrey put their hand on Gordon’s chest the way they did when Tommy panicked. Gordon’s mouth shut so hard his teeth clacked. “Calm down.”

Surprisingly enough, that worked. Gordon took a deep breath, and Benrey quickly pulled his hand away when he realized Gordon might find that weird. “Okay. Shit. Yeah, sorry.”

“What’s got you all worked up? Running on 2x speed, what’s up with that?”

“I- Okay.” Gordon took another deep breath. “I have a conference tomorrow that I forgot about. I _thought_ I’d scheduled it for a week when I didn’t have Joshua, but I guess I got my shit mixed up with the move and stuff, and I didn’t realize until ten fucking minutes ago, and my usual babysitter likes a full 48 hours heads up, so she won’t be available, but most of the conference is _after_ Josh’s school lets out and he’s only six, I can’t just leave him on his own.” Gordon said it all in a rush and had to stop to take a breath. Benrey just stared blankly at him. “I’m serious when I say I’m only asking you because I’m desperate, but. Can you watch Joshua tomorrow? It would just be a couple hours, and I can pay you, but seriously, I’m at my fucking limit.”

“Sure.” Benrey shrugged.

“Wh- Wait, for real? You’re down?”

“Yeah. How hard can it be? He’s just a little dude.”

“...That doesn’t fill me with a lot of confidence.” Gordon looked like he was regretting all his decisions. Benrey gave him a grin that they hoped was encouraging, but based on Gordon’s expression, it probably landed more in the menacing zone.

“Don’t need confidence, you got Benny boy. I’m the- the master of kidsitting. Toddler care speedrun, no hacks.”

“Yeah, you know what, whatever.” Gordon let out a world-weary sigh. “Just- can you come over at 3:30 tomorrow? Is that fine?” Benrey nodded. “Cool. Alright. I’ll… see you tomorrow, I guess.”

“Dope. See you tomorrow.” Benrey gave him a wave that Gordon absently returned as he went back to his own apartment.

The next workday passed in much the same manner that most did. He went to work, he kept teenagers from climbing on the display cases in the museum, he went home. The only change in routine came when instead of crashing on their couch to decompress with some video games after work, they quickly changed out of their uniform, shoved their Switch in their hoodie pocket, and left their apartment to knock on Gordon’s door. 

When Gordon answered the door, he looked marginally less frazzled than he had the day before, though still kind of stressed. “Hey man, thanks again for this. I know you probably didn’t plan to babysit my kid today,” He said, stepping aside so Benrey could come in.

“It’s cool. Not like I had anything else to do,” Benrey said, hands in his pockets as he glanced over Gordon’s apartment. It was laid out just like a mirrored version of their apartment with Tommy, but after a couple weeks of being lived in, it had taken on its own personality. A bookshelf sat opposite the dinner table, full of what looked like sci-fi novels, physics books, and picture frames with pictures of Gordon and Joshua in them. Past that was the living room, which was mostly dominated by a comfortable looking couch, and the floor was covered with kids’ toys. Benrey kind of wanted to explore deeper, but Gordon was still talking to him.

“So, uh. Ground rules.” Gordon drew Benrey’s attention back over to him and put on his Dad Face. “No showing him rated R movies. Stick to the kids category on Netflix or the DVDs that are under the TV. No M-rated games either. _Try_ not to swear in front of him, though it’s probably nothing he hasn’t heard before. I’ll be back around seven, but if he gets hungry, there are chicken nuggets in the freezer. He doesn’t have any allergies, but don’t let him eat too many cashews because if no one tells him to stop, he’ll eat them until he’s sick. Uh… I think that’s it? I’ve already called the sitter for tomorrow, so this is just for today, but I can pay you $45 since that’s what I’ll be paying her.”

“Sounds good.” Benrey shrugged. They hadn’t babysat in a long time, but $45 was $45. Gordon still looked like he was about a second away from changing his mind, but he steeled himself and leaned against the table to pull on his shoes.

“Hey, Josh?” Gordon called out down the hall. “You wanna come out a second, bud?”

There was shuffling from one of the bedrooms, then Joshua came out holding a stuffed horse. He stared at Benrey with big eyes, like he couldn’t recognize him outside of the context of meeting outside their apartments, but Gordon crouched in front of him and drew his eyes away.

“Daddy’s gotta go to a work thing, so Benrey’s gonna hang out with you for a bit, okay? I’ll be back soon.” Joshua nodded, and Gordon kissed his forehead. “Okay. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Daddy.” Joshua hugged his dad, and Benrey fidgeted awkwardly in the hall. Luckily for them, Gordon straightened up just a few seconds later and ruffled his kid’s hair playfully.

“Alright, both of you be good.” Gordon directed a look at Benrey that made Joshua giggle. 

“Dude, of course we’ll be good.” Benrey attempted to convey offense despite his voice remaining impassive. “The greatest. Look at me and Josh, we’re the coolest. The best dudes.”

“The best!” Joshua parrotted. Hell yeah, the two of them were gonna get along great. Gordon snorted fondly and grabbed his keys.

“Okay, if you say so. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Gordon waved at the two of them as he grabbed his work satchel, then left. When the door clicked shut behind him, Benrey turned to Joshua.

“I don’t know what your dad wouldn’t do.” They said matter-of-factly.

“He- He wouldn’t, uh…” Joshua trailed off, thinking. “He wouldn’t go in the car without- without buckling! And- And- And he wouldn’t let me get a bird from the store even though they’re really pretty!”

“Oh shi- Uh, shoot. Gordon lame moments? No bird for Cool Josh?”

“Yeah! I wanted a- a-'' Joshua took a moment to say the word, sounding out each syllable very carefully, “a parakee’. But daddy said we should wait until I’m older.” Joshua stuck out his lower lip in a pout.

“That’s sucks. Maybe if we’re real good, your dad’ll let you get an, uh. Ostrich.”

“What’s an ost’ich?”

“It’s, uh.” Benrey paused. He’d never had to explain what an ostrich was before. “Big bird. Mega-evolution pigeon.”

“Like from Sesame Street?” Sparkles practically flew out of Joshua’s eyes in wonder.

“Yeah, ‘cept they run fast, like Sonic. And lay big eggs. Don’t think Sonic does that.”

“Oh.” Joshua didn’t look like he understood a word of that, but he grabbed Benrey’s wrist and started tugging them further into the apartment anyway. “Let’s play cowboys!”

“Cowboys?”

“Yeah! Dad plays it with me all the time! It’s! The best game!” Joshua was practically about to burst with excitement. He dragged Benrey to a toy chest in his room and let go of him to rifle through it for just a moment, then turned around and put a nerf gun in Benrey’s hand. Holy shit.

“Yo, your dad bought you a weapon? You gonna kill me with this?”

“Yes!” There was absolutely no hesitation in Joshua’s voice. Holy _shit_. This kid was the best.

Cowboys turned out to be a pretty simple game that Joshua found endless entertainment in. Basically, it meant chasing Benrey around the apartment, pelting them with Nerf bullets. Benrey discovered Joshua found it even more fun if Benrey ragdolled to the ground whenever Josh “killed” him, though apparently the game involved a respawn feature because Joshua expected him to jump up and keep playing pretty soon after. Josh, of course, was invincible. Six-year old godmode hacks meant Benrey could hit him with a Nerf bullet, and Joshua would declare that Cowboy One was dead, but now it’s time for Cowboy _Two!_

It was fun for them both, up until it wasn’t. Benrey had only turned their back for a second to head into the living room since their chase was getting a little too close to the easily broken items in the kitchen, when behind them they heard the telltale sounds of socks sliding on tile, followed by a shout and a thunk. He whirled around and found Joshua on the ground, curled up just on the other side of where the kitchen tile was replaced by the living room’s carpeting.

“Shit, you okay?”

Instead of responding, Joshua just sniffled loudly. Benrey put down their Nerf gun and crouched next to Joshua, who pulled his hands away from his knee to reveal a nasty patch of rug burn. Benrey sucked a breath through his teeth.

“Oh, you’re a lil clumsy boy, aren’t ya? Scraped your knee, didn’t you?” They said in an effort to lighten the mood. Didn’t really work.

“It r-really hurts.” Joshua said, fat tears suddenly falling down his face. Ah, shit. He wracked his mind desperately. The scrape wasn’t that bad, wasn’t even bleeding, but Joshua seemed more overwhelmed than anything else. What did Benrey do when _they_ were overwhelmed?

Benrey took a deep breath and then hummed out one long, unwavering note. Joshua looked up at him, still crying but now looking more perplexed than freaked out.

“What was that?”

“It was, uh.” How do they explain stimming to a six year old? “Sweet Voice. Just shot you a, uh, healing beam. Works on sick battle injuries. Heals you right up.”

“Can-” Joshua sniffled and rubbed his nose. “Can I do a Sweet Voice?”

“Yeah.” Benrey sat down criss-cross. “You just gotta, uh, look inside and make a noise that makes you feel good. Noise that feels good to make.”

Joshua fell silent for a few seconds, still sniffling quietly. He looked deep in thought, so Benrey didn’t disturb him. After a bit of pondering, Joshua took in a breath, and then let out the closest approximation of a foghorn Benrey had ever heard come out of a human being. Benrey stared, then grinned wildly.

“Nice!” The praise made Joshua smile through his tears, and he let out the noise again, this time louder. Benrey responded by going “BBBBB,” a personal favorite stim, and Joshua giggled, trying to mimic him. Soon, they were just making stimming noises back and forth, the rug burn on Joshua’s knee forgotten.

Gordon, true to his word, showed up as close to 7pm as he could manage, and found Joshua sitting on Benrey’s lap and watching them play Animal Crossing on their Switch. Joshua sat straight up as soon as he heard his dad open the doors, and he immediately scrambled off Benrey’s lap to barrel into Gordon at full speed.

“Daddy!” Joshua shrieked in delight. Gordon stumbled a bit when Joshua collided into his legs, but he laughed and scooped him up.

“Hey, kiddo. You have a good night?”

“Yeah!” Josh bounced in Gordon’s arms and pointed at Benrey, who was walking over at a much more leisurely speed. “Me and Benny were playing aminal crossing!” 

Benrey turned the Switch screen so Gordon could see it. “Pro pear strats, bro. Gonna get enough bells to buy, uh, Godzilla.”

“And!” Joshua cut in before Gordon could respond. “I- I hurt my leg playing Cowboys, but it’s okay ‘cause Benny taught me Sweet Voice!”

“Sweet Voice?” Gordon said, glancing at Benrey for an explanation. Benrey just gestured to Joshua, who inhaled and let out his foghorn bellow. Gordon winced, and Benrey had to hide his laugh behind his hand. “Oh my god.”

“BBBBBBBBB,” Benrey said, and Joshua responded with a raspberry. 

“You know, I was worried you’d be a bad influence on Joshie, but I thought you’d teach him swears or something, not- not _this.”_ Gordon sounded like he wanted to be stern and annoyed, but his voice shook with laughter.

“I dunno what you’re talking about, dude. I’m the best influence. Not my fault Josh swallowed a boat horn soundboard.” 

“Whatever,” Gordon said, laughing a little. He set Joshua on the ground and pulled out his phone. “Alright, should I Venmo you or something?” Gordon gestured at Benrey with his phone. Benrey nodded and took the phone to type in their handle. “Thanks again for watching him. I know it was short notice.”

“It’s fine. Josh’s a cool kid.” Benrey smiled down at Joshua, who grinned toothily at him.

“He’s pretty great.” Gordon agreed, full of fatherly pride. 

“Dad!” Joshua tugged on Gordon’s pants leg, speaking in an exaggerated stage whisper.

“What’s up, bud?”

“Can Benny come over tomorrow too?”

Both Gordon and Benrey blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry, kiddo, but I already called your normal babysitter. You like Miss Diane, right?”

Joshua whined. “B-But Miss Diane doesn’t have aminlinal crossing! And she doesn’t like playing Cowboys!”

Gordon sighed and glanced at Benrey to gauge their reaction. Benrey shrugged. “I don’t have plans.”

“Are you sure?” Gordon covered Joshua’s ears somewhat ineffectively. Joshua turned his head to bite the fingers on his dad’s right hand, but Gordon didn’t flinch. “He’s six, man, you don’t have to do what he says.”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

“...Alright, I guess I’ll give Diane a call.” Gordon caved in, and Joshua cheered.

“Daddy, I love you! I control you!” Josh yelled, hugging Gordon’s leg. Benrey had to stifle another snort. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Gordon patted Joshua’s head, then pried him off his leg. “Alright, you go wash your hands and let dad change out of his work clothes, and then we can make dinner, okay?”

“Okay!” Joshua sprinted off in the direction of the bathroom, and Gordon shook his head, a smile on his face.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“See you, Gordon.” Benrey gave him a half wave and went to the door.

“BYE BENNY!” came Joshua’s shout down the hall.

“BYE JOSH!” Benrey shouted back from the doorway. Gordon snorted.

“You two hanging out is going to be a bad idea, isn’t it?” Gordon said, running a hand down his face.

Benrey didn’t answer, cackling on his way out the door.

The next day passed in much the same way, with Benrey making their way over to the Freeman household after work and Joshua immediately demanding to play Cowboys. They luckily didn’t have a repeat of the rug incident, and when Joshua finally got bored of picking up Nerf bullets to refill his gun, he demanded they play “Aliminal Crossing.” Benrey was in the middle of attacking as many villagers with his net as possible, per Josh’s request, when he was distracted by a buzz from his phone.

**Gordo:** Shit, bad news

wh

 **Gordo:** A bunch of panels I have to go to got delayed

bro what

that’s sucks

 **Gordo:** Yeah, oof

 **Gordo:** I’ll still be back before 9, but I know this probably wasn’t what you planned for

nah but its fine

ill make ur kid dinner

 **Gordo:** You’re a lifesaver man

 **Gordo:** Just don’t fucking poison my kid or I’ll kill you

didnt give your son poison immunity? cringe

 **Gordo:** Dude,

Benrey tapped out a quick tweet cancelling his stream for the night, then nudged Joshua. “Yo. Your dad’s gonna be late, so Benny’s your chef tonight. D’you like Kraft Dinners?”

“Huh?” Joshua looked up from where he was bashing the button for the net.

“Mac ‘n’ cheese.”

“Oh. It’s okay.” He went back to mashing buttons on the Switch.

“Yeah, but I make it special. You can put anything you want in there.”

Joshua’s eyes widened, and he looked up again. “Anything?”

“Heck yeah, dude. Got those customizable features.” Benrey shut off his Switch and stood up, offering his hand to Joshua. “C’mon. We’ll go shoppin’ for ingredients at the coolest new store called My Fridge Nextdoor. Don’t even gotta put on your shoes to go there.”

“Whoa!” Joshua took Benrey’s hand and hopped to his feet, getting more excited by the minute. They walked outside in their socks, pausing only so Benrey could lock the door behind them with the spare key Gordon had loaned him, and they went the few feet it took to make it to Benrey’s apartment. 

“Tommy!” Benrey bellowed by way of greeting when they walked inside. 

“Hi!” came Tommy’s cheery response from the living room. “I thought you were- were watching Joshua!”

“I am watching him. We’re just pickin’ up some stuff for mac ‘n’ cheese.”

“Hi Mister Tommy!” Joshua shouted. That was enough to intrigue Tommy enough to join them in the kitchen.

“Hi Joshua!” Tommy waved at Joshua, who waved back with the hand not held by Benrey. “Are you- Are you having fun with Benrey?”

“Yeah! We’re gonna make macking cheese! And Benny said I can put _anything_ in it!”

“Oh! Benrey makes really good mac ‘n’ cheese! Better than- than a cherry pie on a summer afternoon.” Tommy leaned against the counter and watched Benrey open the fridge and begin to rifle through it. “You should ask him to put mushrooms in it!”

“No! Mushrooms are gross!” Joshua said, making a face.

“Mushrooms are tasty! That’s what Benrey puts in it when they make it for me. Did you know Benrey only makes his special mac ‘n’ cheese for people he cares about?”

“Really?” Joshua sounded excited.

“Mhm! They must really care about you and your dad,” Tommy said knowingly. Benrey sent him a look over his shoulder and stuck out his tongue when Tommy just smiled innocently.

“Yo, Josh, c’mere.” Benrey tugged Joshua closer, distracting him from their roommate, who seemed intent on embarrassing them. “Thoughts on peas?”

“Hm…” Joshua looked pensive, “...Good!”

“Dope. What else?” 

The two of them rained havoc on Benrey and Tommy’s fridge and freezer and after making sure they hadn’t picked anything Tommy was saving for some other time, Benrey put all the ingredients in an old shopping bag and gave Tommy a peck on the cheek on his way out. Joshua was bouncing with excitement at the prospect of the concoction they were about to create.

Benrey enlisted Joshua’s help in finding the pots and cooking utensils, but once the knives and a hot stovetop came into the equation, they encouraged Josh into a different activity, so Joshua sat at their feet with a coloring book while Benrey set to crafting their feast. 

Tommy hadn’t been lying when he said Benrey only makes his special mac ‘n’ cheese for people he cared about. Benrey couldn’t make many meals, but they could make a kickass macaroni and cheese. It was kickass partially because he’d figured out just the right configuration of cheese and seasonings, and partially because he always let the person he was making it for choose add-ins, so it was something new and personal for whoever he was eating with.

It wasn’t until they were dumping out a full bag of shredded cheese that something occurred to them.

hey

cheese

Y or N

 **Gordo:** What?

for josh

 **Gordo:** He likes it?? Are you asking if he can eat cheese?

ya

 **Gordo:** Yeah, cheese is fine

 **Gordo:** What are you making

[image]

 **Gordo:** What the fuck is that

Benny’s Special Macking Cheese

potion of Taste Good

 **Gordo:** Are those hot dogs?

 **Gordo:** And apples??

 **Gordo:** PLEASE don’t tell me those are blueberries in that pot

k i wont tell you

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOW_08aKIkQ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOW_08aKIkQ)

**Gordo:** LDSJKFKLSDJF DUDE

 **Gordo:** I’m in a public place!!

 **Gordo:** My BOSS is here

 **Gordo:** You can’t make me laugh like that without warning!!

lmaooooo

“Are you and Mister Tommy married?” Joshua said from the floor, surprising Benrey’s away from his phone.

“Huh?”

“I saw you kiss Mister Tommy’s cheek! That’s something that- that married people do!” Joshua spoke with the certainty of a six year old who’s convinced he’s figured out how the world works.

“Nah, me and Tommy aren’t married. We’re like, uh, super mega best friends. I care about ‘im, but not in a big romantic way.” They weren’t entirely sure how they were supposed to explain the idea of a queerplatonic partnership to a six year old, but their answer seemed to satisfy him.

“Oh.” Joshua continued to scribble with crayon. “So you could marry someone else?”

“Uh, I guess. Haven’t really thought about it.”

“You could marry my dad! Then we could play Cowboys all the time!”

Benrey immediately choked on air and had to turn away to prevent coughing into the macaroni. “What? Hey, uhhh, come check it out, the blueberries made the water purple.”

“Whoa, lemme see!” Josh sprung to his feet, train of thought diverted. 

The macaroni turned out… interesting. The hot dogs were good, and the apples tasted better than expected, but the blueberries? Pretty much inedible. They eventually migrated to the couch and Joshua picked out a nature documentary about marine biology aimed for kids. When Benrey finally heard Gordon’s keys in the door handle, his phone screen read 8:52.

“Shh,” They said before Gordon could make any loud noises, nodding at Joshua, who had fallen asleep on his lap after gushing about eels for thirty minutes. Gordon covered his mouth, but his smile was evident in the way his eyes crinkled behind his glasses. He pantomimed taking a picture and Benrey nodded, throwing up a peace sign when Gordon managed to fish his phone out of his pocket.

“Lemme get him,” Gordon whispered, reaching down to scoop his son off the couch. Joshua mumbled incoherently, annoyed at being disturbed, but he seemed to register it was his dad because he pretty quickly relaxed against him and let himself be carried to bed. The two of them disappeared in Joshua’s room for a minute, and Benrey muted the TV, sitting up to scroll through Twitter until Gordon reemerged.

“Check it out.” He held up his phone when Gordon stepped back into the living room, and Gordon squinted at the screen. “Boys night,” They said, by way of explaining the screenshots of strangely named Oblivion NPCs on their screen.

Gordon snorted and went to plop down on the couch next to him. “Foul Fagus looks like a dude who would’ve tried to sell me weed in college.” Benrey grinned and locked their phone. “How’d the ‘macaroni’ turn out?” Gordon asked, throwing scare quotes around macaroni.

“Huh? It was so dope, dude. Got all kinds of stat boosts. I can double jump now.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Gordon said with a laugh. “Thanks again for watching Joshua, man. I know he can get kinda demanding.”

“Nah, he’s cool. I’ve met way worse kids at the museum.” Benrey shrugged and stretched. “Yo, d’you want me to show you guys around some time?”

“Do they let you give tours? I thought you were a security guard.”

“I’ve got seniority. They let me do whatever.”

“That doesn’t seem particularly responsible.”

“What? Nah, man, I’m the most responsible. They know I’m not gonna let any bad dudes in. Nobody gets past Benny Boy. I’ve thrown out so many people, you have no idea.”

“If you say so.” Gordon didn’t sound like he believed him, and Benrey resisted the urge to pout. “Listen, I’m kinda wiped out after listening to people who’ve had tenure longer than I’ve been alive talk about physics all day.”

“Shit, yeah, I’ll get going.” Benrey stood, patting their pockets to make sure they had everything they needed. “Hey, I put the leftover macking cheese in the fridge if you want it.”

“Oh, great! I’ll call an exorcist to bless my kitchen,” Gordon quipped back at him, making Benrey laugh on their way out. 

The next day, Benrey made sure to stream longer than normal to make up for cancelling his stream the night before, starting earlier and planning to end later than he usually would. They were partway through finding truly stupid ways to fuck up in a bad Frogger game when a donation notification caught their attention.

“Yo, uh, cowboyphysicist, thank you.” He didn’t bother to read the donation message attached, waiting for the TTS to read it aloud while he got eaten by low-polygon fish.

 _Hey dude you left your switch at my place. Also when are you going to stop playing this dumb shit and start playing a good game like kane and lynch 2._ The TTS dutifully read out the message, and Benrey frowned, confused for a second. 

“Wha?” They glanced at where they normally put their Switch, and the gears clicked into place when they saw it wasn’t there. “Holy shit. Gordon?” He looked over at the chat, fully neglecting the game at this point, and a wheezing cackle bubbled out of his throat when he saw cowboyphysicist in the chat tell him to answer the question. “Dude, I’m not gonna play Kane and Lynch.”

**cowboyphysicist:** boooooo

 **cowboyphysicist:** bad streamer. unpog.

Benrey’s cackle was definitely blowing out their mic audio, but their chat was more than used to that. “How’d you find my Twitch? Gonna doxx me? Fake friend, only getting me to babysit to figure out big streamer’s personal info?”

**cowboyphysicist:** wtf I’m not going to doxx you, I just asked Tommy

The mention of Tommy was enough to make Benrey’s chat explode with exclamations of “TOMMY!” which made it impossible for him to catch anything Gordon said after that. A minute or so later, Benrey’s phone lit up with a text from Gordon.

**Gordo:** Hey I don’t know what the fuck is going on in your chat right now

 **Gordo:** But I really do have your Switch

 **Gordo:** You’re lucky I found it after Josh went down for his nap because he has NOT shut up about some villager named Antonio all day and I’m p sure he would’ve broken it trying to open the game

lmao josh loves jocks

science nerd man got jock son wyd

 **Gordo:** I could be a jock too, you don’t know

wtf? cringeass little jerd

 **Gordo:** The day I ever understand something you say is the day I ascend to another realm of reality

wtf? cringeass little astral projector

 **Gordo:** Shut the hell your mouth

hahaha

“Hey, uh, chat, I’m gonna go to a brb screen real quick.” Benrey said, switching the stream to a DVD screensaver bouncing around. “My neighbor stole my Switch, gotta get it back.” They managed to catch a glimpse of Gordon complaining in the chat that he didn’t _steal_ the Switch, and it made them snort.

Gordon answered the door pretty quickly after he knocked, Switch in hand. Benrey took it with a grateful hum and rocked on their heels a bit. “So, uh,” Benrey said, fidgeting with the buttons on his Switch, “You watch my streams, huh?”

“I mean, this was the first time, but, you know-” Gordon spluttered a bit, clearly not sure where he was going with the sentence. “I can’t promise I’ll watch often, I’m a busy guy, but, I dunno, man, I like watching stupid shit happen in video games.”

“I never do stupid shit on my streams, what are you talking about,” Benrey said, ignoring the fact that not five minutes prior, they’d figured out how to glitch into a door and just spent a full minute spasming in place before finally opening it. Gordon snorted.

“Sure, dude. Hey, uh, is your offer to play video games still on?” Gordon asked, and Benrey perked up. “It’s just- I finally got around to finishing the singleplayer part of Portal 2, and I need someone to play the co-op part with, so…”

“Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck yeah, Portal time. The, uh, cake is not real.”

“It’s ‘the cake is a lie,’ dude. They don't even say that in the second game.”

“Haha, nerd.”

“Shut up.” Gordon rolled his eyes, but he was laughing a little anyway. “Look, do you just wanna come by on Monday? I’m not teaching any classes that day, but Joshie’s gonna be with his mom, so I’m free.”

“Dope. See you then.” Benrey’s voice was flat, but he was buzzing with enthusiasm inside.

“Cool.” Gordon’s eyes crinkled with a smile as he shooed them away. “Go back to your stream, dude, I don’t trust your chat to be left alone.”

“Wha? Rude to my chat, smh, gonna get you banned for griefing.” Benrey said, already walking away.

“That’s not what griefing means!” Gordon yelled after him.

“Mnuh mnuh mnuh!” Benrey mocked, then shut their door, though they could still hear him laughing on the other side. When he came back to the stream, he found a hype train had been started because apparently the DVD logo had bounced into the corner, and he was more than a little amused to see cowboyphysicist among the new gifted subs.

\--

Tommy seemed surprised to see Benrey in the kitchen when he was getting ready for work come Monday morning. “Benrey? I thought- Don’t you work afternoons this week?” He asked, tying his tie and tilting his head quizzically as he watched Benrey hop onto the counter with a bowl of cereal. 

“Yeah, but I’m, uh, playing video games with Gordon before my shift,” They said, avoiding Tommy’s gaze. 

“...You don’t normally like doing things with people before your shift. You- It disrupts your schedule.” Tommy’s tone was definitely confused. Benrey ate a spoonful of cereal to avoid answering immediately and rubbed the spoon against his lips, enjoying the smooth feeling.

“We planned it like two days ago. It doesn’t mess up my schedule if I plan ahead.” Benrey risked a glance at Tommy and saw a way too knowing look in his eyes.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Gordon,” Tommy said, faux-casual.

“Not _that_ much.” Benrey whined a little, knowing they sounded childish.

“Mhm.” Tommy smiled innocently, but his eyes were sparkling with amusement. Benrey stuck his tongue out at him and kept eating. “Hey, do you want stir fry for dinner? I’m g- I’m going to be near that hibachi place you like today!”

“Fried rice for Benny?” Benrey perked up.

“Yeah! And- And tempura!” Tommy straightened his tie, slipped his wallet in his pocket, and gave them a kiss on their cheek before heading to the door. “Have a good time with Gordon!”

Benrey made a noise somewhere between annoyed and noncommittal, but still managed to say “love you, bye,” before Tommy left the apartment. Tommy’s lighthearted teasing didn’t help the jittery butterflies in Benrey’s stomach when he knocked on Gordon’s door a short time later, free hand twisting on the handle of the six pack of root beer he’d managed to fish out of the back of the fridge. The butterflies only increased in velocity when Gordon opened the door, a friendly smile on his face.

“Hey, come on in.” Gordon ushered him inside, oblivious to the acrobatics Benrey’s insides were doing.

“Brought, uh.” Benrey paused and let their brain restart, lifting the soda in their hand. “Brought drinks.”

“Oh, dope, thanks dude. You didn’t have to bring anything, you know.” Gordon took the six pack and walked to the kitchen, Benrey following slowly at his heels.

“I didn’t have any IPAs because I’m not a lame middle aged man, but root beer is close enough,” Benrey commented, hoping that teasing Gordon would be enough to get himself to calm down. Gordon snorted.

“Shut up, man. I’m twenty-seven.” 

“Old man,” Benrey said, despite the fact that they were only twenty-eight. Gordon huffed and turned his back on him to put the drinks in the fridge, which gave Benrey the chance to look at him without feeling weird. Most of the time, they saw Gordon on his way back from work, so they were used to seeing him in the semi-formal get-up of a college professor. He was unused to seeing Gordon in such casualwear, his long curls set free from his typical loose ponytail to gather around the shoulders of a well-worn Linkin Park t-shirt. Benrey wasn’t even sure they’d seen him in a shirt that didn’t cover the full length of his forearms before. Or fore...arm.

Wait. Hang on.

Benrey squinted at Gordon while he rifled around in the fridge to make room for the sodas. Last time he saw him was two days ago, and he was fairly certain the dude had two hands then. But right now, he was holding the fridge door open with an arm that ended about halfway down his forearm, no hand to be seen.

“Hey,” Benrey said without thinking. Gordon glanced back at them, “Where’s your hand?”

“What? Oh, it’s on the counter,” Gordon said, jerking his head towards the counter lined with barstools like it was completely normal for his hand to be about six feet away from him. Sure enough, Gordon’s hand was sitting motionless on the fake granite tile. Benrey’s brain felt like a shaken-up box of Fruit Loops.

“Wha- Why-” Benrey paused, trying and failing to create a coherent sentence. “I thought hands were supposed to be _on_ the body.”

Gordon shut the door and stood up, giving Benrey a weird look. Benrey stared back at him, not trusting himself to say anything until his brain stopped turning over like a stalled out car engine. Finally, something like realization passed across Gordon’s face. “Oh my god,” He said, sounding like he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be affronted. “Did you not realize it was a prosthetic?”

“Huh?” That piece of information slotted into place in their brain, and suddenly things made sense. Benrey had never claimed to be a smart dude, but _wow_ did that make him feel stupid. “Oh.”

“Dude.” Gordon’s voice was shaking with laughter. “It’s like several shades lighter than the rest of my body, how the hell did you not notice?”

“I thought it was a, uhhh… tanning accident.” Benrey defended themself weakly.

“A tanning accident?” Gordon said, incredulous. Yeah, not Benrey’s best work. He nodded anyway, not gonna back down from his stupid excuse. “Come on, the fingers don’t even move.”

“Why would I pay attention to your fingers moving? That’s kinda weird, man. What, you want me to watch your toes now?” Gordon picked up the prosthetic and whacked them on top of the head with it. “Ow.”

“Dumbass,” Gordon said, even though he was laughing. “Look, are we gonna play Portal or are you just gonna keep talking about my feet?”

“I can keep talking about your feet.” Benrey glanced down. “Got, uhhhhh, Einstein socks. Nerd.” Gordon brandished his prosthetic as a threat again, but Benrey’s mouth was still moving without his input. “What are you gonna do with that? Gonna hit me? Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.”

Gordon had doubled over wheezing with laughter before Benrey even finished speaking, and Benrey allowed themself a small, smug smile. Then Gordon affectionately put his stump on Benrey’s shoulder to prop himself up, and Benrey’s brain short-circuited again. 

“You’re too fucking much, dude,” Gordon said, slightly teary-eyed from laughter as he pushed himself upright and headed to the living room. “Come on, don’t you have work soon? I want to at least finish the first chunk of levels before you have to leave.”

“Oh shit, we speedrunning Portal?” It took Benrey a moment to compose himself before following at Gordon’s heels.

“The speedrun record is like twenty minutes, I don’t think we’re gonna beat that,” Gordon said, tossing them a controller and turning on the Xbox. 

“You haven’t seen my speedrunning strats, bro. Just gotta kill Glados in the first level, no big. Get that secret ending and unlock, uh. New skins.” Benrey fidgeted with the joysticks on the controller and watched Gordon boot up the game with a special controller designed for one hand. Gordon sent him a look.

“New skins for… Portal?”

“Yeah. They’ve got lootboxes now. Gonna make my robot look like Steve from Minecraft.”

Gordon let out a wheezy laugh again. “Okay, sure dude. Good luck with that.”

Co-op Portal went about as well as it could. As much as they liked to claim otherwise, puzzles were _not_ Benrey’s strong suit. That didn’t stop him from charging in first into each level and getting himself electrocuted by running into the water before Gordon could even examine the terrain. Gordon complained about it every time, but he was laughing, so Benrey counted that as a win. Gordon, to his credit, was decent at puzzles. That scientist brain of his seemed to enjoy testing different solutions until they finally figured out how to get to the exit. There were definitely a few levels that took them longer than it should’ve taken their combined brainpower, but that was fine. Benrey had even managed to forget about the butterflies that had taken up residence in their lower intestine, far too focused on playing video games with his friend to think about how much they were crushing on said friend.

That is, he managed to forget about it until he reached the time when he needed to leave and get ready for work, and Gordon walked him to the door and gave him a hug and a genuine smile and told him he’d had fun. Benrey couldn’t even remember what they said to that. All he could think about was Gordon’s snug hug while he got changed into his uniform. Gordon’s smile lines on the commute to work. Gordon’s surprised, wheezy laughter the whole time they were at the museum.

Honestly, this whole crush business was a load of horseshit. Benrey didn’t really _get_ crushes very often, and even when he did, they were normally passing infatuations that faded away pretty quickly. Hell, that’s how it was with Tommy for a bit, just a brief crush that eventually deepened into something more platonic. The fact that they hadn’t been able to shrug off their feelings for Gordon yet and it had been almost a month meant they might be experiencing some honest to god romantic attraction for once. Benrey wasn’t sure he was a fan if it was this goddamn distracting all the time.

Case in point: Bubby and Dr. Coomer had invited the rest of them over to their apartment for drinks on Friday, and Benrey was currently standing in their kitchen, staring at one of the as-of-yet uncorked bottles of wine on the counter. Gordon and Tommy’s voices carried from where they were talking in the living room. Benrey wasn’t quite sure what the hell they were arguing about -- something about the Star Trek reboots versus the new Star Wars movies? -- but he knew he had to escape before he got overwhelmed. Not because they’d been feeling crowded or overstimulated or anything; Bubby and Dr. Coomer’s living room had enough sitting space for everyone to sit without it being too cramped, though Gordon had insisted on sitting on the floor so Dr. Coomer could sit on the couch, which, quite frankly, was the first factor in Benrey needing to make their great escape. Goddamn Gordon and his thoughtfulness. Benrey didn’t really like drinking, but Tommy had been excited to show off the mixology tricks he’d learned from a certain bartender he _definitely_ wasn’t crushing on, so the rest of them had cocktails specially made for them by Tommy. Apparently when Tommy and Gordon had a mint julep and an old fashioned in them, they got heated about nerdy media. Go figure.

Benrey didn’t mind being the only sober one in a discussion about movies he hadn’t seen. They were pretty used to that. No, the problem was that his gay little heart couldn’t take it when he was cuddled up next to one of his favorite people in the world, listening to him talk at length about Gene Roddenberry’s vision with the handsome, bighearted nerd that had taken up approximately 69% (haha nice) of his brain’s processing power. Got them lagging like a 2005 Dell desktop for reasons entirely unrelated to neurodivergency for once. He had to clear his cache somehow. Or maybe pop open the cheap wine and get drunk for the first time in a while. Couldn’t hurt.

“What the _hell_ are you doing?” 

Benrey froze just before their teeth closed on the cork and stared at Bubby for a long moment, “...Couldn’t find the corkscrew.”

Bubby let out a long-suffering sigh and set the dirty glasses in the sink. “Don’t use your teeth, idiot. Who knows where those have been.”

“Uh.” Benrey glanced at the wine label. “Trader Joe’s.”

“I meant your teeth, stupid.” Bubby handed him the corkscrew and folded their arms to fix him with a glare. Benrey fidgeted with the corkscrew, wine bottle now abandoned on the counter. “So,” Bubby finally spoke up again, “When are you going to do something about Gordon?”

“Wha?” Benrey glanced up at Bubby and let out a surprised raspberry. “What about Gordon?”

“Don’t give me that. I’ve been watching you make puppy eyes at him all evening. It’s disgusting.” Bubby said it like it was obvious, turning away to rinse out the dirty glasses. Benrey stared at them, their brain doing its best to catch up.

“I’m not a puppy,” was all Benrey managed to say. Bubby didn’t dignify that was a response, just flicking water from the sink at him. 

“I’m not telling you this because I want to encourage more sappiness -- I’m satisfied with me and Harold having a monopoly on romance in this group -- but it’s getting exhausted watching the both of you pine.”

“Wh- Both? Huh?” 

Bubby sent them a withering look. “You’re telling me you haven’t noticed Gordon staring at you?” Benrey didn’t respond. He was fairly certain he’d lost the ability to speak. “Oh, jesus christ. I knew you were oblivious, but come on, Benrey.”

“...’ve been distracted.” Benrey managed to mumble.

“When are you not?” Bubby sighed and reached past them to grab wine glasses from the cabinet. “Look, just ask him out already. Make a move. Smack him on the ass or something. Or don’t listen to me, whatever, what do I know? It’s not like I’ve been married for a decade. Just do something so I don’t have to watch the two of you yearn.” Bubby shoved the wine bottle back into Benrey’s hands and shooed him into the living room. “I brought shiraz!” Bubby declared, following at Benrey’s heels. 

“Ah! Thank you, Bubby!” Dr. Coomer piped up cheerfully from the couch, interrupting a discussion of- firefly? What? Were they talking about bugs? Benrey had no idea what was going on. “Syrah, also known as Shiraz, is a dark-skinned grape variety grown throughout the world and used primarily to produce red wine. In 1999, Syrah was found to be the offspring of two obscure grapes from southeastern France, Dureza and Mondeuse Blanche. Syrah should not be confused with Petite Sirah, a cross of Syrah with Peloursin dating from 1880. The style and flavor profile of wines made from Syrah are influenced by the climate where the-”

Bubby ignored their husband’s infodumping to pour four glasses of wine, only interjecting into the stream of words to suggest, “Harold, why don’t you sit with me so Gordon can sit on the couch?”

“Oh, I’m fine!” Gordon protested, but Bubby was insistent.

“Sitting on the ground is bad for old bones. I don’t want you straining something in my living room and suing me.” Bubby waved him off.

“Wh- I’m not old! Why do people keep saying that?” Gordon complained, and Benrey had to bite back a snicker.

“-such as Crete, and the Barossa Valley and McLaren- oh! An excellent idea!” Coomer said once his spouse’s words had caught up to him. “Here, Gordon, you can sit next to Bingus.”

Benrey froze halfway through a bite of one of the cheese and cracker combos that had been laid out on the coffee table as they finally realized the spot next to them opened up when Dr. Coomer stood up. Dr. Coomer settled on Bubby’s lap and Gordon pushed himself off the ground with a dad-sigh, moving to sit next to Benrey on the couch.

“Are you Bingus?” Gordon asked, playfulness on his face. Benrey was going to have a heart attack. Or kill Bubby. Possibly both.

“Uh. Yeah. Escaped from catboy containment. Gotta call, uh, SCP,” Benrey said, relishing in the giggle-snort that escaped Gordon.

“Shoutout to all the- the catboys in the catboy labs all alone because- because the scientists lost their funding,” Tommy added with a perfect poker face despite the light flush from alcohol on his cheeks.

“Such a shame how little this country values the catboy sciences.” Dr. Coomer said solemnly, never one to miss out on a gag. Gordon made a strangled noise like laughing might actually incapacitate him. 

“You know they might-” Gordon had to stop himself in the middle of the sentence to keep from laughing right through it, “They might be able to apply for a _nya_ tional grant.” 

Benrey choked on his cracker.

“But all the paperwork, Gordon!” Coomer looked delighted to encourage the joke.

“Won’t the catboys just knock it all off their desks?” Bubby completed the thought for Coomer.

Gordon threw his head back to laugh and, in the process, leaned affectionately against Benrey’s side. Benrey’s heart stuttered and they made eye contact with Bubby and Coomer across the table. Both of them were giving him a knowing smirk. Benrey promptly pulled the drawstrings on their hood and hid. Scratch his previous plans. They were going to have a heart attack and kill them _both_.

Luckily for everyone involved, no death occurred that night, though the way Tommy groaned about his headache the next morning sure made it seem like he was dying. That was one of the many reasons Benrey didn’t like drinking; the hangover just wasn’t worth it, especially if it meant drinking the weird hangover cures Tommy had learned in college. Benrey might eat some weird stuff sometimes, but the texture of raw egg was a big No Thanks from him. They were happy to take care of Tommy through his hangover, though, even if that just meant cuddling with him while he watched a Chinese drama at a low volume. Benrey wasn’t following the plot at all -- Tommy’s efforts to teach him Chinese hadn’t really worked, and he didn’t care enough about the unfolding rom-com to read the subtitles. Honestly, Tommy probably wasn’t even paying attention either; it was just something passive to enjoy while waiting for his headache to wear off. They were both content to have Tommy’s head in Benrey’s lap while they alternated between playing Elder Scrolls on their Switch and playing with Tommy’s hair. 

The episode ended and Tommy shifted to press against Benrey’s hand in his hair. “What- What were you and Bubby talking about last night?” Benrey’s hand paused in its repetitive movements.

“What d’you mean?” Benrey asked.

“I, uh.” Tommy rolled over to face him. “I ma- I might have asked them to nudge- give you a nudge in the right direction with Gordon.”

Benrey groaned and tipped their head back. “Whadda hell, man.”

“I just- I know you like him, Benrey!” Tommy flapped his hands gently. “And I think you should make a move! Bubby says they saw a pan flag on Gordon’s desk in his office, so you don’t- you don’t need to worry about that.” Tommy’s face softened. “Gordon’s really nice, Benrey. And you know I’m not going to be jealous. I can tell he makes you happy, and I- I like seeing you happy.”

“Bbbbbbbbbbb,” was all Benrey could say to that. Tommy reached up and tapped his fingers on Benrey’s lips, and Benrey playfully pretended to bite him, making Tommy laugh. 

“Just- I know you don’t like making the first move, but- just think about it! Okay?” Tommy said, lowering his hand.

“...’kay,” Benrey finally mumbled, slouching. Tommy leaned up to peck Benrey’s cheek, then pulled himself off Benrey’s lap and stood up.

“C’mon,” Tommy said, taking Benrey’s hands and tugging. “I’ll make us lunch.”

Benrey might have promised to do something about their feelings for Gordon, but it was just so much easier to fall into the familiar rhythm and routine they’d developed. He’d get home at the same time Gordon and Joshua did, and Joshua would gleefully talk a mile a minute while his dad unlocked the door. Benrey liked listening to the kid, and now that they were on the lookout for it, they definitely noticed some fond looks from Gordon that were directed more at them than the enthusiastic first grader, though Josh definitely got his share of fond looks from his dad. If Gordon smiling kindly at him was enough to make his brain stutter like a Windows error, how the _hell_ was he supposed to make the first move to ask for more?

They walked up the stairs Friday afternoon and immediately got tackled by Joshua. “Benny!” Joshua exclaimed, bouncing up and down with more excitement than usual. 

“Yo,” Benrey said once he’d recovered from the surprise. “Wassup lil dude?”

“Can we go to your muzeem?” Joshua asked, tugging at Benrey’s shirt until they realized he was asking to be picked up. Benrey scooped the kid up and sent Gordon a confused look.

“Apparently instead of doing a class field trip, the kids are getting extra credit if they go to a museum this weekend and tell the class what they learned,” Gordon explained, looking exasperated and amused by Joshua’s antics. “I mentioned that you worked at a science museum, and he got pretty excited.”

“Oh.” Benrey blinked down at the kid in his arms and bounced him gently. “You want a tour?”

“Yeah!” Joshua yelled immediately.

“You really don’t have to, dude,” Gordon protested. “We just thought we could swing by when you were working and say hi, and then let you do your job while we look around.”

“Nah, s’cool. I can’t just let you walk around by yourself, y’know. You might steal something. Gotta keep an eye on you.” Benrey let a hint of a smile pull at their lips. “I know your schemes. First you show up without an invitation to steal my video games, then you sneak into the museum and steal, uh… paintings.”

"Paintings? I thought you worked as a science museum." Gordon sent him a weird look, but there was a smile on his face.

"Yeah, they're paintings of. Spiders. Highly valuable. Got, uh… Monet spider paintings."

“Spiders? Dude, I don't think Monet painted spiders.” Gordon laughed incredulously, reaching over to take Joshua from him. 

“No he definitely did. Gonna sell them on the black market for… eight.”

“Eight? Eight what? Dollars? Euros? Bitcoin?” Gordon had Joshua balanced on his prosthetic while he unlocked the door, shooting Benrey an amused smile.

“Yeah. Eight.” Benrey nodded.

“Okay, well if you’re really worried about me stealing the _spider_ paintings and selling them for _eight-_ ”

“It’s ‘cause of their legs.” Benrey interjected.

“What?” Gordon laughed again and shook his head. “Whatever, just text me your schedule, okay?”

“Yeah, cool.”

“Bye Benny!” Joshua waved over Gordon’s shoulder, who waved at Benrey too as he went inside.

Benrey hadn't been lying when they said their work pretty much let them do what they wanted. He’d been working there consistently for a while now, and they’d figured out that even if he seems to get distracted or fucks around, he still does his job well. That next morning, nobody batted an eye when Benrey posted up near the front door and rocked on their heels with restrained excitement as they searched for familiar faces in the crowd that filed in for several hours. It was late morning when he spotted Gordon walking up to the museum, and he could hear Joshua’s excited foghorn impression from forty feet away.

“Dude, I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to seeing you in a formal uniform,” Gordon said as he approached, laughing a little. “You’re, like, wearing a tie. Who the hell are you.”

“Whuh? I look like this all the time, bro, I dunno what you’re talking about.” Benrey said, ignoring the fact that they definitely did feel weird in their uniform.

“I dunno man, the version of you in my brain is wearing one of those stupid ‘eat, sleep, game, repeat’ shirts.”

“Whoa, I’m in your brain? Cool.” Benrey grinned.

“Yeah, but you keep leaving chips on the ground and playing We Like To Party when I’m trying to sleep.” Gordon teased.

“Nah, you’ll just mad I’m living in your brain rent free. I’m infusing your, uh, forebrain with gay thoughts. Should take effect in one minute.” Benrey teased back, speaking without really thinking. Gordon snorted. 

“Too late for that.” He said, then immediately looked like he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. The two of them stared at each other owl-eyed for a moment. Gordon coughed. “Uh. Anyway! Joshie and I are gonna look around.”

“Oh, yeah. You want that tour?” Benrey said, pushing that interaction to the back of his brain to rotate like a 3d model later. 

“You sure, man?”

“Yeah. Gotta show Josh all the cool fossils.”

“And make sure I’m not going to steal, what, the spider paintings?” Gordon had a playful expression on his face, recovered from the previous embarrassment. 

“Uh-huh. They trust me to keep the spider paintings under lock and key. Can’t just let you wander around unsupervised.”

At that point, Joshua’s patience had worn thin, and he grabbed the two adults’ hands and started dragging them down the hall. Benrey, true to their word, did their best to give them a good tour. He hadn’t gotten the training the official tour guides got, so he mostly had to rely on the fun facts on the placards next to the displays, combined with some improvised bullshit.

(“Dude, I don’t think there’s a constellation called Brogus.” 

“No, there is. I’ve been there.”

“You-” wheeze, _“What?”_ )

The improvised bullshit was more for Gordon’s benefit than Joshua’s considering Joshua was more focused on smashing the buttons on any interactive exhibit he could get his hands on, while Gordon was the one actually listening to Benrey while keeping an eye on his son. Benrey almost forgot they were at work until an unfamiliar kid tugged on their pants leg. Benrey reluctantly pulled his attention away from the Freemen to look at the teary-eyed kid who’d just grabbed his attention. 

“Hey, you okay?” They said, mildly alarmed.

“I- I lost my mom.” The kid sniffled. “She said to- to find a guard if I get lost!”

Benrey glanced over at Gordon. “Hey, Freeman, brb.” He expected Gordon to tease him for saying brb out loud, but Gordon just waved him off, looking worried for the kid in that dad way of his. “Okay, kid, where’d you last see her?”

Benrey let the kid lead him across the room to an evolution exhibit, and they got a description of the kid’s mom that they relayed to other staff through their walkie-talkie. He sat down with the kid on a nearby bench and encouraged them to talk about their pets to distract from the anxiety of being left alone in a crowded museum. By the time the child’s harried mother appeared, the kid’s tears were forgotten in a vivid story about their cat getting shaved. The mom thanked them profusely, and Benrey just shrugged awkwardly and made a comment about doing their job. When he finally got to look back at where he’d left Gordon and Joshua, he was nearly bowled over with the force of softness in Gordon’s expression, all his attention on Benrey. Benrey’s heart did a flip and instead of acknowledging the expression, they just pointed at Joshua to alert Gordon to the fact that his son was about to put one of the interactive parts of the exhibit in his mouth. 

Joshua was yanked away from the exhibit before he could put germs in his mouth, and they both agreed it was probably time for lunch. They grabbed overpriced sandwiches in the museum cafe, Benrey making Joshua laugh by putting apple slices on his teeth and pretending to be a vampire with fucked up teeth. They didn’t acknowledge the look Gordon had been giving him until later, when Joshua was poking through the stuffed animals in the gift store.

“Hey,” Gordon said, bumping Benrey with his shoulder. The two of them were leaning against the wall and catching a breather a short distance from where Joshua was arranging several stuffed animals on the floor.

“Yo.” Benrey bumped Gordon back. 

“You’re pretty cool.”

Benrey squinted at Gordon and snorted. “I know. I’m a great cool.”

“No, I-” Gordon let out an annoyed huff through his nose, though Benrey knew at this point that his annoyance was exaggerated, “Dude, I thought you were an asshole at first.”

“Whuh?” Benrey blinked, surprised.

“Yeah! I mean, my first impression of you, you’re bugging me about some stupid invitation or whatever, and then you said my kid looked like shit. What was I supposed to think?”

“Just jokes, man,” Benrey said, wincing a little.

“I know that _now_ . I didn’t know that _then_. What I’m trying to say is… I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I guess that I’m just glad I started getting to know you.”

Benrey didn’t know what to say to that, so they didn’t say anything and just let Gordon keep speaking. 

“I don’t really know what I’m doing, dude,” Gordon said, laughing nervously. He ran a hand through his hair, loose around his shoulders today, and Benrey had to resist the urge to hold his hand to stop the nervous tic. “I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. I mean, ‘divorced trans dude, amputee and single dad’ doesn’t make a great Tinder bio. Not that I’ve really been looking. Or, I thought I hadn’t been, but, uh. Yeah, you _have_ been living rent-free in my brain and infusing me with gay thoughts, so. Do you wanna start paying rent by maybe going out to dinner some time?” Gordon paused and frowned. “Wait, that made it sound like I’m asking you to pay for the date I suggested, that’s a dick move. I’ll pay, I promise-”

“Gordon asking Benny out on a date?” Benrey interrupted, stunned. “Not clickbait? Not, uh. Not a prank?”

“No, it’s not a prank! God, what kind of asshole do you think I am? That’d be such a shitty prank.” Gordon hesitated, then took Benrey’s hand in his left hand. “Not clickbait, I’m actually asking you out.”

“Pog,” Benrey said, no other words available in his brain. Luckily, that made Gordon snort and do his best impression of the pogchamp face. It was so much combined with the thrill of being asked out that a startled and extremely genuine laugh burst out of Benrey’s mouth. Gordon grinned back at them and squeezed their hand before glancing around the gift shop.

“Ah, shit. We need to grab Josh before he actually steals something.” 

Sure enough, Joshua was waddling towards the door with armfuls of stuffed animals. They managed to convince him to cut it down to one stuffed animal that Gordon paid for -- though Benrey sneakily bought another and handed it to Joshua when Gordon’s back was turned. Benrey still had half an hour left of his shift when Gordon and Joshua left, so they both gave him a hug on their ways out. Benrey was giddy off the feeling of Gordon’s hug for the rest of his shift.

Tommy would probably tease them when he found out later, but Benrey didn’t care because hell yeah, hot DILFs _were_ in their area, and the hot DILF in question wanted to take them out to dinner. 

**Author's Note:**

> idk how to end shit!!! come bug me on tumblr, I'm [waitineedaname](https://waitineedaname.tumblr.com/) on there and I simply will not stop thinking about these funny half life people
> 
> update: the wonderful person who helped me beta this fic and my very dear friend, Neon, drew the cowboys scene from this fic!! [go look at eir art Right Now](https://arobenrey.tumblr.com/post/638595866819739648/a-comic-of-part-of-waitineedanames-fic-hot)


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